Torn
by celtic-dreamscape-94
Summary: You punched a hole in my still beating heart, and now my whole body is shutting down. My life oxygen, you, has been stolen from me, and I'm choking.


_**A/N: I can't even remember what happened today that made me think about this... but it just all came out. Maybe it was a song, and I somehow absentmindedly drifted towards this. I don't know. I just know this relationship shouldn't have ended, because Van Pelt was so happy.**_

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><p>I dressed up. Look, I did this for you. I put everything on. Dress, make-up... I even did my hair.<p>

I'm trying to stay steadfast in denial, for you, but I can feel the fortress walls slowly crumbling away. That gunshot still echoes it my head, and every single time, I'm watching you fall to the ground, and I can't run to stop it. I can't run to save you.

I'm stood here in the mirror, staring at my reflection, trying to understand why. I've got silken fabric clutched in my fists, sending harsh ripples down the dress skirt. I keep asking myself why you let it go this far. You were a lie, a ticking time bomb set to destroy my life. We were going to get married.

If we hadn't found out it was you, would you still have married me? Would we be off on our honeymoon somewhere, you knowing it was a lie while I carried on oblivious? I feel sick to my stomach when I think of it. You, my perfect guy, was marred with the mark of a serial killer right from the beginning.

My legs are feeling weak, an airy light-headedness filling me. I think I hear a door open and close behind me, but I can't be sure. Spots are filling my vision, multiplying and dividing at a rate that makes my head spin.

But suddenly I'm grounded, the feeling of strong hands resting lightly on my waist. You're stood behind me, and it feels so real... but I know it can't be. You're arching your neck and placing soft kisses to my bare shoulder. You're whispering to me, but your voice sounds so far away I can't hear you properly. I rest my hands over yours and try to believe that you're really there; that nothing ever happened to make me realise I never really knew you. I'm closing my eyes, letting my head fall back onto you. I wish you were here.

I'm beginning to hear what you're saying. And it's then, as I hear 'I love you' that the meagre strength I have left escapes my body, and I crumple to the ground. I bow my head, sobbing as tears slide down my cheeks, dripping onto the pure white of my wedding dress. Each tear holds a memory of us together, and I can't seem to lift my hands to catch them; stop them falling away.

I'm beginning to drop. I'm curling up on the ground, pulling myself into a tight ball. I'm trying to protect myself from any more hurt, but I'm not sure what there is left to protect. You punched a hole in my still beating heart, and now my whole body is shutting down. My life oxygen, you, has been stolen from me, and I'm choking.

How dare you do this to me? How could you care so little that you'd propose to me, knowing that later, you would break my heart? How dare you make me so happy...? All I ever did was give my all to you. I would have done anything for you. But you chose to destroy me, burning me from the inside out. How can I ever trust anyone again?

I pull the soft fabric of my wedding dress to my face, letting it soak up my tears, staining it with mascara and eye shadow; tarnishing the perfect dress, as you tarnished my perfect day; my perfect life.

I'll be laying here for however long it takes for me to sew up the seams that have become ripped and frayed. Though as I feel you laying down behind me, and wrapping your arms around me, I know those seams are still being torn. My broken voice is weeping, crying out to an empty room. Why? Why me?

Sunlight leaks through the window, pouring over my tightly curled form. I know it should feel warm, but all I feel is biting cold. It pains me, and I feel like the world is slowly breaking me; scrunching me up and throwing me like a ball of paper into a waste basket.

I'm sorry I couldn't be the person who would make you realise what you were doing was wrong. I'm sorry I couldn't be that for you. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. I'm _so _sorry I couldn't make you realise that a life with me would be better than what you had; better than what you received.

I... I can't... I can't do this without you. Don't leave me...

I'm sorry.

It's too late.

But I'm sorry.


End file.
